One Flock, One Shepherd

One Flock, One Shepherd

by Barbara Ann Chase

Transcribed from the original recording; may contain errors.

As a beginning, something that I wasn’t sure I should share at all, except it’s very meaningful to me. When I was at camp last week, each of us received a scripture on the outside of the door to our room. Mine was from Jeremiah chapter 30, verse 17. For I will restore you to health, and I will heal you of your wounds, declares the Lord. I am the Lord your healer. And it was underlined twice. I’ve been asking Jesus for more physical strength, more stamina, more everything, physically, as well as spiritually and emotionally. And I thought this was wonderful that this scripture meant that Jesus right now was going to heal my body completely. And He’s done it so many times before. But what followed immediately after that, and in the very recent past, was that I came down with an infection. And usually, if something like this occurs, or if any physical need occurs, I just ask Father and He heals me directly. Well, this went from bad to worse. And I was supposed to have a fun day with Evelyn Carter. Some of you know her. And she and I were staying with some friends of mine in St. Louis. And we were going to go out to Six Flags, which is like a small Disneyland, and see how many rides we could take in.

And I was feeling like anything, rather than having fun, or taking a ride. And I didn’t want to ruin it for myself or for Evelyn. And I had two or three motivations. One was, I knew that Jesus was my victory. I knew that I didn’t have to act according to how I felt, but to how I really was. I didn’t want to ruin Evelyn’s day. And I was irritated at the fact that Father didn’t heal me. And so I proceeded and took the full day and had as much fun as I could, and really took control of my emotions and how I felt physically. And went on the rides and had a good time. But the infection got worse. And as I had Evelyn pray for me, she said that she believed I was frightened of going to the doctor. And I knew something rang a bell. I had never thought of being frightened of going to the doctor. I just thought for the last ten years, Jesus had healed me time after time after time. And then the Lord just brought to my mind a whole incident over two years where I had been very hurt by a doctor. I was very ashamed by one. Very fearful. And I didn’t realize at that time that after my last appointment with him, I had determined I would never go again.

But that’s really what I had done inside. And so I was kind of hiding in God. And I didn’t want to face that because it’s so much easier just to say, be healed, than to go to a doctor. And then I looked again at this scripture, for I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds. And I realized the wounds I had. The fear and the shame and even the disappointment at having to have someone earthly heal me, even though it was with the same healing touch as Jesus. And I don’t know if you could ever dream how much courage it took me. But I said to God, whether You heal me tonight or choose not to heal me, I will make an appointment with a doctor here in St. Louis. And with that I was immediately healed. And that’s when it comes to say, oh, I didn’t really say that, Jesus. You know, I’m fine now. But I knew I had said it. And so I went and I made the appointment. And I really think I have lots of peace. But I was sitting there in the outer office, just going like this with a Kleenex, twirling it around my finger. And I knew that I was not peaceful.

And as the door opened into the doctor’s office, out stepped a nurse that was almost identical to that first nurse. Ten years before. Just as gruff. Just as cool. Just as everything as that first nurse had been. But I didn’t resist it. And I went in there. And before the doctor examined me, he took me into his office. And I shared with him in detail all that had transpired ten years before. And told him of the healing that God wanted to perform in my life. And before he examined me, he prayed for me. And he prayed for great peace. And for a good examination. And he went backwards and said, “I’m getting all your peace.” And he prayed for me for peace. And he had received it. And the presence of the Lord was so great during that time at the doctor’s. And the shame of years previously had left. And all the wrong things I had been told. And just a whole bunch of stuff that you don’t need to know. But I was healed of that. And I was perfectly at peace and comfortable. And I didn’t want it to end. Because God was so real. And then we went back into the doctor’s office. And he had a spiritual need that I was able to minister to him.

And I was just floated out of there. I floated right past the registration desk. Right past where you pay your bill. I went right out the exit. And 4 o’clock the next morning it dawned on me. I hadn’t even checked to see what I owed him. So I had to call the nurse and tell her I really hadn’t skipped town. And get that all taken care of. But it was just such a tremendous healing experience. And I think, God, here I have suffered for 10 years for no reason. With fears that were no fears at all. There was no reason for them. And it was just a simple moment of God’s grace and God’s healing. And why I share this is for my sake, of course, but for yours also. Because this week is a week of healing for every wound that we might have. And it’s not going to come through introspection. It’s kind of going to surprise you. Like this scripture surprised me. And it’s going to come in the midst of our joy. In the midst of our reaching out to other people. In the midst of our caring for one another. That’s when it’s going to come. Too long we have been the body of Christ looking at ourselves. And wondering what is hurting this little finger.

And why this scar is here. And we’ve looked at ourselves individually this way. Being very self-centered. Wanting to be healed while all the rest of the world is dying. And Jesus says, “If you will forget about yourselves and reach out to those I love, then I will heal you.” And as we do this week, as we reach out to one another with the healing hands of Jesus, with His heart, with His compassion, with His mercy, and with His truth, then we’re going to find that as we leave camp, shouting with shouts of joy, we’re going to be healed. We’re going to know wholeness. And we’re going to know Jesus as we’ve never known Him before.

It goes. That’s a hard act to follow. But it’s interesting how things work. And I was just healed. Or had the thing called to my attention. Of something that I need to be healed of. And I hadn’t thought of it before Barbara started talking here. And talked about her own resentment at the doctor. And just as she was talking, I remembered that there was somebody that I have rejected pretty seriously. Somebody I had been trying to help for a long time.

And realized that this person I had been trying to help turned out to be very deceptive. And had been lying a good deal all the time. And this all came out. And when I discovered it, and I realized there was a serious problem there, I just rejected this person. And it hasn’t been until just recently that I have begun to realize that. And I started to act on it during my retreat. I just finished my own retreat. I made an eight day retreat just prior to coming up here at El Retiro, our Jesuit retreat house there. And so one of the things I did was to write a card to this person I was just telling you about, and to start to heal the injury that I had done by my rejection of this person. And now what Barbara said has just further confirmed this for me. And I’m going to pray about this. And I’m going to ask the Lord to heal that completely. And not only in me, the rejection that I have offered there, but I’m going to ask that any injury that I have done to this person will also be healed.

And so I can see that the Lord is, you know, starting to work already. And I can feel the power and the presence and the spirit of Jesus while Barbara was talking there. I’m sure you could. And it’s that spirit of, well, just being there, and with the expectation and the hope and the faith and the confidence that our Father is going to take care of all of our needs. And we don’t have to worry, as Barbara said, about ourselves, but just think about others. Now, I’ve learned that in my retreat. That’s one of the things that I began to do. I am now praying for the other four priests at Resurrection with whom I worked. The other three priests. I am also praying for somebody that I just started praying for having read a Voice magazine. You probably are familiar with the Full Gospel Businessmen’s Fellowship, the magazine that they put out, the Voice magazine. There are a lot of testimonies in there. And I read one the other day. Talked about this man who said, “I’m praying for people in government.” And he says, “The reason why more people in government are not being healed and not turning to the Lord is because there aren’t still enough people praying for.” So he says, “Turn to the Lord and ask Him to put a burden on your heart right now.”

So I did. I just put down the magazine and I asked the Lord. I said, “I want You to know if You want me to pray for somebody.” Four people came to my mind right then and there. You know who they were? Jerry Brown, Jimmy Carter, Rosalynn Carter, and Amy Carter.

Now why would I be praying for Amy Carter? I can figure out why I’d be praying for Jimmy. I can figure out now seeing Rosalynn going all around the world as the US ambassador, why I’d be praying for her. Why the Lord asked me to pray for Amy is something that I think maybe I’ll know in the future. Maybe the Lord has something very special for that little girl, Amy. I’m praying for Amy. You know, she’s one of my charges now, you see. She’s one of my burdens, so I’m praying for them. Every day, I pray for my brother priests, and I pray for the other four that the Lord gave me, put in my care. So this will be a daily thing now. A little bit about myself now. First of all, I see myself in a CFO camp in a very unique position. I made the CFO my first retreat in Grand Canyon about four years ago. And I wasn’t a speaker, I was just there on a scholarship. And it was a wonderful experience. And I have never read very much about CFO. And I think that what I know about it is something that I know just by intuition. Somehow, I just picked it up from the spirit of the people and from what I’ve heard and just from a sense of knowing what CFO is all about.

Now, if I know what it’s all… I understand we’re going to get a pretty good treatment of this tomorrow and we’ll get a good exposition of this tomorrow. So I’m not going to, you know, burden you with my ideas. But there are a couple of things that I’d like to say here in closing tonight. First of all, I feel that in this camp, this time, I would like to be present here, not as a religious functionary, but as a person.

I don’t know if you understand what that means, you know. You know, Marriage Encounter, I don’t know if any of you have made Marriage Encounter. I’ve made Marriage Encounter. And Marriage Encounter has a little technique that they use. And if you talk about irrelevant things during meals or times like that, somebody will come out with an expression that they use and they say, “Crabgrass.” That means to remind you that you’re talking about irrelevant things and you better get with it. So I have a little idea that I’m going to use this little technique too. And some of you may hear me saying “crabgrass” during the course of the week. And what it will mean is this. That you are referring to me as a religious functionary rather than a person. You are calling me either Father, which is crabgrass, or you’re calling me Reverend, which is definitely crabgrass. And any names like that. So you Catholic people who have a little difficulty with this, don’t think I’m giving up the Catholic Church or my priesthood or anything like that. I just would like, for a time here, to just be in your midst as a brother in Jesus Christ. I want to be just a person, just like yourself. I don’t want to be constantly reminded that I’m a religious functionary.

That’s not me. That’s something I have to do. That’s a job the Lord has given me to do, and I do it willingly, and I do it gladly. And I think I do it fairly well, and I’m glad to do it. So I’m not turning my back on it, and I’m not depreciating that. I’m not depreciating anything about my own particular religious tradition at all. I’m sure you understand that. But I would like to be received as a person. That’s why I was very happy to hear Jenny refer to me as Frank Babish. She didn’t say Father or Reverend. She said Frank Babish. And, you know, they put FR there. And now you’re going to see that I’m going to just erase that, you know. And all you’ll see there is Frank Babish. And even the SJ is not there, and that’s good too, you know. SJ is the religious order I belong to. That’s the Jesuits. And so I’d rather not be a religious functionary while I’m up here. The reason why I’m doing this is, I think, very much in keeping with the spirit of CFO. I believe the CFO, the point that Jenny made, of the creativity of CFO is very much to the point. But I think in order for us to be open to the creativity that the Lord has for us, that we must come before Him with total sincerity and honesty, you know, just as we are.

And that means without the cluttering or the baggage, the religio-cultural baggage or any of those things, that we usually rely on for some of our relationships. So I want to be here, and I just want to be very open with you. And that’s the way you’re going to hear me talk whenever I give my formal talk. You’re going to be hearing me talk not about abstract academic things that I learned in theology or learned out of books. No. You’re going to hear what’s been going on in my life in the last seven years of my life in the Spirit, since I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. You’re going to be hearing about that, and right up to the minute. I’ll tell you how that all came about, but then I’ll bring you up to date and the things that I think are relevant for all of us and say what the Lord gives me to say. But I would like to do this in all honesty and in all sincerity. I don’t want to give you the idea that I’m a big guru or a superstar or anything like that. I’m just a brother in Christ, just like the rest of you. I’m trying to learn. I’m here to learn. I’m here to share what I have in my life with you, as you’re here to share what you have in your life with me and with the rest of us.

And that’s what we’re here for. I happen to be in a position of speaking, a speaking leader. I suppose it means that somebody thinks I’m able to speak. And so I’m going to be doing a little talking, and hopefully the contents will be useful to you. I think it will, and I hope it will. It’s been useful to me. And that’s what I’m going to be talking about. So that’s about all I have to say tonight. God bless you all. And if there’s anything that I can do, just call on Frank.

Let’s sing that great little chorus. Father, I adore You. Lay my life before You. How I love You. Father, I adore You. Lay my life before You. How I love You. Jesus, I adore You. Lay my life before You. I love You. Spirit, I adore You. Spirit, I adore You.

Lay my life before You. I love You. Would you stand with me and let’s sing? O come, let us adore Him. Christ the Lord, for He alone is worthy. For He alone is worthy.

In Christ the Lord. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. How I love Jesus, because He first loved me. Father, we do love You because You loved us first. In Yourself and in Jesus and Holy Spirit. And I thank You that You have been faithful to us. That You have never written us a bill of divorcement. But that the many times we have run from You and hid from You, You have gently wooed us back home. Back into a relationship of fidelity. Bless You, God. Hallelujah.

Either stand or be seated. Whichever you prefer. John chapter 10. Truly, I say to you, he who does not enter by the door into the fold of the sheep, but climbs up some other way, is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is a shepherd of the sheep. Verse 7. Jesus therefore said to them again, Truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers. But the sheep did not hear them. Do you have your Bibles underlined that verse that says, The sheep did not hear them. The sheep did not hear the voice of the thieves and the robbers. Jesus says, I am the door. If anyone enters through me, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down His life for His sheep. He who is a hireling and not a shepherd, who is not the owner of the sheep, beholds the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hireling and is not concerned about the sheep.

Jesus says, I am the good shepherd, and I know my own, and my own know me. You might want to underline that. Jesus says, I know my own, and my own know me. Even as the Father knows me, and I know the Father, and I lay down my life for the sheep, and I have other sheep which are not of this fold, I must bring them also, and they shall hear my voice, and they shall become one flock with one shepherd. If you underline, they shall hear my voice, and they shall become one flock with one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from me, but I lay it down on my own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from my Father.

Verse 27. The Jews took up stones again to stone Him. You could speak for months and months and years and years on these passages, and just because of the fact that it overwhelmed me, I had to leave out a number of verses. I usually get sidetracked quite early, but this would have been impossible to have read all of it. And what I wanted to concentrate on tonight was the fact that we belong to Jesus, if only we will, that we hear His voice, that we do not hear the voice of the thief and the robber, that the Lord wants us to hear His voice, that we might become one flock, having Him as our one shepherd.

This is the simplicity of the gospel of Jesus Christ. In our prayer group today, and I don’t know about your prayer group, but we prayed for unity in the body of Christ. This is something that has been dear to me ever since I was a little girl. I remember the great expectation and excitement that came when I received Holy Communion, and the priest put the host upon my tongue and said, “Corpus Christi, the body of Christ.” And the “Amen” was a response that came from the very depths of my being, knowing who is the body of Christ. I shared yesterday morning about the great blessing that we find from our brothers and sisters in the liberal churches. And they are brothers and sisters not because they’re in liberal churches, but because they believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and hear His voice. Because they are born again. But this is the place God has put them. And in that place, they are expressing His compassion to the poor and the hungry and the destitute. I did not share with you my gratitude for our brothers and sisters in the evangelical churches. I do not call those my brothers and sisters because they believe on the Bible, as great and as wonderful as the Bible is, being the infallibly inspired Word of God.

But they’re my brothers and sisters because they believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and hear His voice and are born again. I didn’t share with you the gratitude I feel for my brothers and sisters in the Catholic Church, not because they have kept a sacramental system down through the ages. And by sacrament, I mean that outward expression of what we feel in our heart. The outward manifestation. In a very broad sense, we are performing a sacrament. We are participating in sacrament when we lift our hands in praise. If we are lifting holy hands in praise. If we’re only doing it having forgotten why, then we are performing a ritual. And we cannot judge among all the thousands we see raising their hands who is doing it as a form of liturgy, a true act of what is in their hearts toward God, and who is doing it out of empty ritual. Because that is not our business nor our prerogative to judge. But it is not because of this great and wonderful thing that the Catholics have cherished and saved, nor even because of the particular sacrament of communion, which is so dear. But it is because they know the Lord Jesus Christ, hear His voice, and are born again. This is what makes them brothers and sisters.

The same is true of Pentecostals or Charismatics, any other grouping you want to name. It is not because they have saved for us the expression of the gifts of the Holy Spirit or the fruit of the Spirit, but because they believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and hear His voice and are born again. And yet each denomination has cherished and safeguarded and treasured an aspect of the personality and character of the Jesus whom we love, even though in separating it from Him as a person, they have often caused it to become a form of idolatry. Not always, but sometimes. And this is what we react to. If we have eyes for the negative, we see how they have taken an aspect of the truth, who is Jesus, taken it from Him, and begun to worship it. And therefore, we reject the truth. We reject that part of who God is because we have seen it abused. And in reacting to abuse, we heap more dishonor on the name of Jesus. Rather than looking at the negative elements that have been stored up in every denomination through history, we are to look at that which is real, that which is of God, and to look with God’s eyes, and to look in love, not only upon what each group has to offer us, but that final and wonderful offering of getting to know, beginning to recognize, another part of our very own body.

For we are sick, and some of us die because we do not discern the body of Christ. And the Lord would have us discern one another. Now, there are many things that keep us from acting as one, and all of them are very small problems. If we believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and hear His voice and are born again of the Spirit. There are such things as even the terminology of committing our life to Jesus Christ, of being saved, of being born again, of being baptized. There is terminology that separates us. There is experience which separates us. Are you familiar with the term having a check in your spirit? Some of you are, and some of you aren’t. This is another term that some people use to say that when they hear something, whether it be a doctrine or a statement of experience, that they do not have peace in their innermost being about it. They do not feel that this is of God. They can’t quite put their finger on it. And they say, “I have a check in my spirit.” Well, I have found that many times we use this word falsely, and we say we have a check in our spirit when what we are really saying is here is something that I have not personally experienced myself.

Therefore, it cannot be of God. This happens by those who have been born again of the blood of the Lamb and have not appropriated that part of their inheritance called baptism of Holy Spirit. They have a check in their spirit. This can’t be quite right because after all, I received everything when I accepted the saving work of Jesus on Calvary. It can be said by those who have received baptism of Holy Spirit with speaking in tongues, with prophecy, with the working of miracles, when they see an experience perhaps of someone identifying with the sufferings of Jesus Christ. And this is beyond their experience. And they say, “I do not agree with this. I have a check in my spirit.” It can be over such external things, even though they have inward meaning, as someone being overpowered or overcome physically by the Holy Spirit and falling to the ground or to the floor. The first time you saw that, you might have said, “I just don’t know about that. I have a check in my spirit.” What you meant was it was beyond your experience. And therefore, it couldn’t be very good. Or God would have let it happen to you first. This is not always so, but there is that measure of fear of the unknown.

Of what we have not ourselves experienced. And with all these things, there are true and false things. For instance, with what some people call being slain in the Spirit or falling under the power of the Holy Spirit, many times, when this is of God, a deep inner, almost surgery, takes place that we would fight against or that we could not bear. We’re aware of all that was going on. And the Lord does it in our hidden parts. And He does it with love and tenderness. And when we get up, we know we’re clean inside. We know something is healed, that what was fragmented has come together. We can also do this in our own strength. I remember what some people thought was a scandalous example, but I always found kind of a gentle humor in it. There was a healing line and everyone was just going over like this as they were being prayed for. And there was this dear lady who didn’t know what was going on, but she’d come up to be healed. And she looked at everyone falling over and before the person who was praying for them got to her, when she was still two or three people away, the lady set her purse down on the floor, gathered her skirts together and sat down and then laid down on the floor to save this lady the trouble.

And she was doing this under her own power, trying to cooperate with what was happening. Others do it out of pride because they think they’ll look unspiritual if they don’t fall down too. And then, in some very rare instances, this can be the work of our enemy also, of Satan. But many of us never get into groups where this might take place. But because something can have two or three sources does not invalidate it when it comes from God. And this is why we need such great discernment in our day. If all spiritual power came from God, there would be no difficulty. But even though God is God and Satan is only a fallen creature, perverted, distorted, and certainly in no way competitive with God, God and Satan are not running a race neck and neck, first one being out ahead and then another being out ahead. No. Satan is defeated. He really is our defeated enemy. And he is, at most, a poor, perverted creature who has chosen to reject his maker and therefore tries to have us join him in eternal hell.

We need to know what is of God both for the whole body and then for us as individuals. We disagree over such things as water baptism, over the meaning of Holy Communion or the Lord’s Supper, over baptism in Holy Spirit. Now, one way we could handle this would be never to bring these things up and only to love. But let’s say you were in a group and someone was sick. Let’s say they had a withered hand. And it would be offensive to someone in that group to pray for healing on the Sabbath day or on any other day. What would you do? You wouldn’t say, “Well, I can heal on the Sabbath day if I want to. Watch me heal on the Sabbath day.” That would be working in our own strength and it would be disedifying to God and He might or might not honor that healing. But what we would do would be to say, “Jesus, what is Your will? What is Your highest? What is Your best for this day? For You are Lord of the Sabbath or You are Lord of any day of the week. You are Lord of this man. Surely You did not create him to have a withered hand.” And whether it’s going to offend anyone or not, if Jesus says to move, you move.

If He says to speak, you speak. If He says to be still, you be still. We can hear Jesus’ voice and He is the one that we are to obey. Sometimes we can be concerned about water baptism, for instance, because we were baptized as infants, and we can have a whole just volumes worth of theology on why our infant baptism was valid, how it was a covenant relationship with God, how it was God’s promise to us, and at a certain age when we come to reason, when we know enough, we accept Him as part of that covenant relationship. He’s done His part. We finish the transaction. And there are scriptures, not that call this baptism, but that say there is a covenant relationship from infancy on, even from conception in the womb, that we can be dedicated unto the Lord our God. And in infant baptism, I have seen many little babies, maybe even that have colic, or that have bad dispositions, that scream and cry all the time, and nothing pleases them, seen them change overnight into beautiful, happy, contented, little children. I also know that there are times that Jesus says, “I want you to be baptized again. I want you to follow me.” And He does. He does say this to some people.

Therefore, we follow Jesus, don’t we? We do not deny what we have received before. We do not deny the validity of it. But we follow Jesus. Now, the important thing to do is to make sure it’s His voice we’re hearing. That we are not either being hindered or we are not being pushed. We are not following man, but we are following the voice of our maker. And surely, there are scriptures that talk about being baptized after you believe. It does not pay to ask all kinds of people about it or to do it under the law, to do it out of rebellion, to do it because you don’t think that your baptism was right. You do it or do not do it because Jesus either says yes or He says no. Now, He has put authority in our churches. He has established it. And He does not go against it. But He gives us a way to obey Him. And we are to seek that way.

I should share a little bit about myself. I haven’t done that too much yet except the first evening I shared about a recent healing in my life. But my first experience of God came when I was three years old and I was sitting in a sandbox with a hose with the water turned on. I was making all kinds of little rivers and having a wonderful time on a summer day where a breeze was blowing. And I looked up at the sky and it was filled with little white clouds. And I wasn’t like Linus in Peanuts that can make all these tremendous stories out of the clouds. It was more like Lucy that says, “I think it’s a little ducky,” or an elephant or something small. But I was enjoying myself. And in the midst of that I knew for the first time that there was somebody beyond the clouds who loved me, and try as I might I could not reach Him. I was aware of how tiny I was. I was aware of how big God was. And there was an awe and a reverence. And yet I knew someday that I would know Him, that I would be caught up with Him, and that I would be able to call Him Father. I knew that when I was three years old.

The next thing I remember was when I was in a mining town on the Canadian border, we had two sisters that came every summer to teach us our catechism. My mom and dad had just become Roman Catholic, and I was being prepared for my first communion. And how I thank God to this day for those sisters, because as a little child, when I asked them what it meant to receive Holy Communion, they had the good sense not to tell me about transubstantiation or consubstantiation or it being a memorial service. But they told me that it meant asking the Lord Jesus to come into my heart. Didn’t say He’d leave after the host dissolved in my mouth, that He’d only stay 10 minutes, that He’d only stay 20 minutes. And I didn’t ask. But when I went up to that altar, I said, “Jesus, welcome.” And He came into my heart. I woke up the next morning and I said, “Jesus, are You still there?” He said, “Yes.” He was still there. First time I was naughty. First time I did something that displeased my parents. I, with a little more of a waver in my voice, said, “Jesus, are You still here?” He was still here. He doesn’t leave when we disappoint Him or disappoint ourselves.

When we sin, He still stays right in our heart. I lived with Him in me. And I was more aware of the fact of Him being in me than I being in Him for a number of years. And because of the good example of the sisters, I knew that I wanted to be a sister also. When I was 12 years old, I ran away from home to join the Franciscans. And my father brought me back and said that if I still wanted to go when I was 18, that he would let me go. So I still wanted to when I was 18, and I joined the Dominican sisters, and I became a teacher of 7th and 8th graders, which is a vocation in itself, which I found out I didn’t really have. I was a good friend and probably a very poor teacher. When I was in the convent seven years, I was at a light show, a rock concert, trying to keep the 7th graders from sneaking in and getting into the drugs. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Seattle, Washington, but at about 1968, the kids were coming up from California, trying to find something new and fresh. They were disappointed in Seattle and went up to Vancouver, which is another port town in British Columbia.

Didn’t like that, so both groups from California and British Columbia converged back in the university district in Seattle, and day or night it was wall-to-wall kids lying out in the street, just completely spaced out of their minds. There was… to look into their eyes was to look into pools of death. And I worked in a coffee house there as a nun from 10 in the evening till 2 in the morning, many nights after teaching all day. And I had the certain protection of still having my habit on, which the Lord told me, was not of Him. Not to have a habit on, but to use it as a counselor with a desk between himself and the other person. But I did the best I knew how. And it was during that time that I thought, God, if the Catholic Church is supposed to be the true church, where is all the power that was there on the day of Pentecost? Where are the miracles? I had read in a footnote in the Jerusalem Bible that the gifts of the Holy Spirit and these miraculous manifestations were to last until a hierarchy could be formed. And I thought, that is a poor substitute. There are many good footnotes in the Jerusalem Bible, but that was not one of them.

And so I was ready at that rock concert when a man from Father Bennett’s church, St. Luke’s, came driving up and heard the noise, the music, and came in. And my habit was no longer white. It was purple and green and all these colors with the strobe lights and, you know, how you look like a 1920 movie walking through. And this man spotted me and asked me if I knew Jesus, and I think he might have been a little surprised that I did. And he asked if I knew about something called baptism of Holy Spirit. And I said, no, but something leapt in my heart. And so I asked him for all the directions and all the instructions on how to receive. And I wrote them down in my mind, and I left. It was about 11 o’clock, and I went to my bedroom in the convent. And just, I trusted Jesus, because when I asked Him when I was seven to come into my heart, and He came without any fuss or any qualifications, anything. So I went to my room and said, “Jesus, please baptize me with Your Holy Spirit, whatever that means.” And I thanked Him. And you know what He did? He did it. He didn’t wait until I got thoroughly instructed.

He just did it. And I opened my mouth and began speaking sounds, and as I spoke them forth, even as they were coming out, God made a language out of them. It was simultaneous. And I began singing that to little nursery rhymes. “Mary had a little lamb,” “Baa, baa, black sheep.” And that was very appropriate because I had been into every ism and ology I could think of for the last six years. And there was so much sophistication there. So every word I used was about three syllables long, or five or six. And I was comfortable with them. I was so comfortable that it’s been hard to ask the Lord to help me switch over. And every once in a while one pops out. And unless it is good for the group, I ask Jesus to relieve me of it. That’s not anti-intellectualism. I think even in philosophy, a philosopher would say that the highest is simplicity, that is the highest good.

To show you how simultaneous it is to start speaking in sounds after you’ve received baptism of Holy Spirit and yet being the language of God, do you know how simultaneous praise and blessing is? You know, as we praise God and give Him a clap offering, I asked Him once how close a blessing was from Him and praising Him. How close together those two things were. And He said, if I were to give Him a clap offering and then listen to that as falling rain of His blessing, that would be how simultaneous these two things are. Why don’t we do that for a minute, just give God a clap offering, but see it as rain falling upon you.

Rain’s a blessing just falling upon us as we praise Him. That’s how simultaneous, it makes us want to praise Him more, doesn’t it, as we get blessed. But that’s how simultaneous it is to speak forth sounds and have them turned immediately into a language of prayer that we neither know nor understand unless we receive interpretation. One of the misunderstandings, I think, about our beautiful prayer language is when Paul says in Corinthians that some receive this gift and some receive that, some receive another. And I know that this is true in the midst of the congregation, because if all of us took turns speaking in tongues with interpretation in the midst of this gathering tonight, what would happen to those who needed healing? What would happen to those who needed a word of wisdom, a word of knowledge, a miracle? You see, it would not be edifying to the body. But when we come together in a group, maybe God will give one or two, a gift of tongues with interpretation. But anybody who will can use the language as much as they want in the privacy of their prayer closet to be edified, because there’s not one of us here that doesn’t need edification. Not one of us. And those of us who speak in tongues should not believe that is the only form of edification.

Reading the scriptures is highly edifying when the Holy Spirit reveals them to us. Loving one another, writing those love letters is edifying. An act of obedience is edifying. Fellowship is edifying. Communion with God is edifying. Conversation can be edifying. But if I were you, I would not want just one form of edification. No, I’m not selfish. I think I’m wise to want every form I can get. Every form that is available. And having read the scriptures, I disagree that tongues is the least of the gifts, but even if it were, who am I to let any of the gifts go by? Who am I to say, “God, I’m going to pick and choose what I think is best for me. I won’t believe that You as a loving Father have only good gifts for Your children.” And we are to recount the goodness of God from generation to generation. And the way to do that is to be able to be edified ourselves, to continue in the walk in the Spirit ourselves, that we might have something to share with our sons and our daughters and our grandchildren, to continue speaking the marvelous ways of the Lord, speaking mysteries unto Him, and speaking with understanding to one another. I would encourage you, if you have received the Lord Jesus into your heart years ago, and you believe that you were baptized in Holy Spirit at that time, that is extremely possible.

Surely you received Holy Spirit at that time because Jesus doesn’t go anywhere without Holy Spirit and with Father. They’re all one now. They were except for that brief separation that took place for our sake when Jesus became sin, but the triune Godhead came into you when you received Jesus. Now let Him be manifest. Let Him come forth. If indeed you received baptism of Holy Spirit when you believed on the Lord Jesus, then let us act like it, experience it, live it, and not think of experience only in terms of speaking in tongues or prophesying or miracle working when we’re in a friendly little group, but have kind of a time of practice and becoming secure in your gifts here in this atmosphere of love that we might go out and give it forth into the whole world. This is why we are gifted people. And we have gifts of hospitality. We have gifts of counsel. Gifts of administration. So many kinds of gifts.

But we need to be gifted with the giver that whatever the need is and whenever He chooses to use us that we will say, “Yes, Lord, send me.” Not, “Oh, I can’t do that. That’s not for me.” But on the occasion, these are the three things I think are necessary when we have Jesus in our heart. That He want to use us in a particular situation. That the need be there. And that we say, “Yes, Lord.” That is the winning combination. Now, we may not find ourselves doing all things all the time. Or where would be the body? But that we would be free to know that the minister is within us. This is why when someone asks me if I have an inner healing ministry, I say no. But I have a minister in me who heals people in their inward parts when He wants and when they’re open to it. Say, do you have a deliverance ministry? No, I do not. But if Jesus who lives in me wants to meet someone as the deliverer, as the one who sets them free, He can use me. And He does. Do you have a ministry praying for people for baptism of Holy Spirit or to receive a fluency in their prayer language? No. But I hold the baptizer of the Holy Spirit in my heart.

And I would release Him to any one of you. We do not have to be narrowed in by a ministry. But we have the full expression of the minister, Jesus Christ, who reigns in our hearts. I wish I could think of some more things that separate us. I kind of got caught on water baptism. And I think it’s because Jesus wants you to be free. Absolutely free in Him. Not to go your own way. Not to go someone else’s way, but to go His way. Probably another one is communion. And we can spend a lot of time speaking in a disedifying way about whether grape juice or wine is proper. Or we can ignore it. And that’s not always edifying either. I know one person who had the solution at a large gathering that were rather vehement over the subject. She just put enough wine and grape juice together so it tasted like grape juice to the person who wanted grape juice and wine. You know? And let me tell you, that was the best kept secret of anything I know. But… Or of what communion means. And I think this is essential. The form is not as important necessarily as the meaning behind the form. For instance, in the Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran Church and some of the others, there is the knowledge that Jesus is really, truly present.

Body, blood, soul, and divinity are risen Savior in the elements of communion. In other groups, there is the knowledge that this is a beautiful memory of this tremendous work that Jesus did for us 2,000 years ago. A memorial of the death and resurrection of our Savior. Others know that Jesus is present as a healer. There is a special way in which Jesus is present to heal His body in communion. To heal us individually and corporately. He does this in a unique way during communion. Now, we could spend hours and days and weeks and months arguing over which way He is present, instead of rejoicing over the many ways in which He is present and the fact that we don’t know the half of it. That there is a mystery involved. Tremendous, magnificent mystery.

We are to follow Jesus. I think of the beauty, once again, of the various forms of water baptism. I’d like to tell you about my own, and I do not want any of you to emulate me at all, because I’m telling you to follow Jesus. Besides, I was totally unscriptural in being baptized three times.

I was baptized in a congregational church when I was five years old, in a Catholic church when I was seven years old, and I remember particularly my baptism in the Catholic church, and there was a seal put upon me at that time that said I belong to Jesus if I would.

And I remember a time when Jesus spoke to me and said, “I want you to have this visible expression, this physical expression of you having died and been buried and been resurrected in me. And I don’t want you to do it necessarily as part of your salvation.” He didn’t say that wouldn’t be part of it, but He said, “I have further work to do in you.” He knew of how I cared for the approval of man. How I cared for law and tradition above Him. And He knew that I would have to even put Him above my parents. He knew that I would have to put Him above my fear of water. I think… Did I share with you how often I almost drowned? I think I did. It was that trying to relax. Well, I had a great fear of water. And so I much preferred sprinkling or pouring to immersion. But that’s not what Jesus said. So when I was immersed in obedience to the Lord Jesus He took from me a great mass of fear of what men would say. And let me put Him first. He let me honor and respect my tradition and His laws. But I was not to ever put them above Him. And He took from me my fear of water, which was a wonderful blessing.

Also, as I was coming up out of the water He showed me a picture of His body broken and torn, not His physical body but us, and scattered. And I said, “Oh God, whatever part of Your body You want me in for its healing and for mine, for our healing, bone of Your bone and flesh of Your flesh, I choose to obey You.” And the varieties of churches He has taken me into, the love He’s given me for the members of His body, all members of His body, every nationality.

Is it Paula? Is that your name? Pauline, I’m sorry. Pauline was saying that when these foreign students come we’re not to convince them of our ways. I think we’re to introduce them to our way, to the way Jesus Christ. But so often they think that comes with western culture, with our methods, with our traditions. And this is why our missionaries have had such difficulties century after century. Because we dress Jesus in our clothes to the point where they can’t recognize Him. Instead of letting Him be who He is and introducing Him just as He is. But God is giving us the grace in these days to be free. To trust God. Not to have to defend Him or to defend ourselves. But to keep going on with Him. I would really just beseech you tonight if you do not know Jesus in your heart where you can’t say, “I have this tangible awareness of Jesus. I know Him and He knows me and He speaks to me and I hear His voice,” that you would open the door that He might come in. And I beseech you if you have Jesus in your heart and you do not know the empowering as on the day of Pentecost.

If you do not know that tangibly and really, if you could not go up to a cripple on the street if Jesus told you to and say, “I don’t have silver and I don’t have gold, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, rise up and walk,” and then go about to the supermarket or the grocery store without even looking back, and pretty soon there will be someone leaping and praising God and embarrassing, just running right up behind you. But if you can’t do that tonight, say, “Jesus, make that baptism which is my inheritance real to me tonight.” And don’t put any qualifications on it. Don’t say, “God, please don’t let me speak in tongues,” or “God, I’m more interested in tongues than in meeting You as baptizer.” Get things straight. Or if you need to know Him as the one who sets free, who delivers, if you’ve been in oppression or depression or self pity or bitterness for years, get to know Him. He is here to meet you where you are. If you are torn and wounded in your heart, in your emotions, if you’ve had shock treatment and you know some of your brain cells are damaged, or you’ve damaged them through drugs or alcohol, coffee, anything. If any form of indulgence you have hurt yourself, that you would recognize that Jesus is here as your liberator. Don’t go away from here thinking that you know Jesus as much as He can be known. There is always more and more and more and more, and none of us have full realization of who it is we have.

In our heart and in our mind, in our will, in our body. We don’t really know our God to the extent that we would like. We have relationship with Him, but we need fellowship that that relationship might grow and grow and grow. In the morning I’m going to share in depth with you about hearing His voice because it is the most desperate need of our day. That is the one message that I seem to have to give over and over again, is how to hear Jesus’ voice. Because we’re going to be destroyed if we don’t hear Him. We’ll just destroy ourselves if we don’t hear Jesus and obey Him.

I’d like to share with you how easy it is. There are some of you here who have been baptized with Holy Spirit from the time you have been saved, from the time Jesus redeemed you. And others who have asked and maybe the leader that prayed for you got a little scared when it came to praying for tongues. Or you said no thank you. Or the hour was late and there wasn’t the time taken for explanation. And I know there is the love in this camp that would be willing to pray while some of us here gain freedom in this area. And we’re going to do it in a simple way. How many of you know that song, “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know”? That seems to be our theme song this week, doesn’t it? And I want those of you who either… Well, if there’s some block, some reason that you do not want to sing in tongues tonight, that you really would rather not, you want to look into the scriptures more, you want to talk to Jesus about it, you just don’t feel right about it tonight, I’d like you to sing in English with me, “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.” And as some of us begin singing in our prayer language, I’d like you to continue singing it in English.

And you don’t know what a praise and a blessing this is going to be to God. For He says we are to pray in tongues and with our understanding also, so we will be doing both. And some of you that normally sing in tongues, if you would rather sing it in English, join in on that also. Feel free, but be praying for those. Let’s be praying for those who need to have this newness, this new form of being edified, which is part of our inheritance. Those of you who have received baptism of Holy Spirit and have not spoken or sung in tongues, have it as a treasure in your heart, just ready to pop out at any moment that you say, “Yes, Lord.” It’s not that you don’t have it, it’s just sitting there, that glorious thing. Is there anyone who would not want to do this? Because if you don’t, ask Jesus what you should do. This is what He’s told me to do with this group as a whole. But I think you’ll feel very comfortable. Because Jesus is comfortable. His Spirit is comfortable. Isn’t that right? And one of the problems with speaking in tongues is we’ve hid it in the closet and had private little meetings about it, instead of putting it in the congregation where it belongs and where it can be judged and where it can bless the whole body in order and in beauty.

Do you have your instruction? When we sing “Jesus Loves Me” the second time, just sing sounds. And you’ll say, “Why, that’s me singing sounds.” But if you’ve received baptism of Holy Spirit and you sing in sounds, God will catch them up and make a language and you’ll know it. Now, if you have been in the occult, if you don’t really want to be baptized in Holy Spirit for one reason or another, please don’t sing in new sounds because that’s all it will be, will be sounds. And it won’t do anything. It will not be the real thing. But if you have the Lord Jesus in your heart and you’ve sincerely asked Him to baptize you with His Holy Spirit and power as on the day of Pentecost, to appropriate that part of your inheritance, then feel free and know that Father is faithful. Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me.

The Bible tells me so. I know. Let’s do it one more time for those that spent half that time listening and wondering and doubting. Just say, “Jesus, I believe. I know it’s me singing, but it’s Your language. We’re in it together.” And how many of you began to feel edified as we sang the song to the Lord? You should have been feeling edified both in English and in tongues, because the name of Jesus is sweet.

Lord, I bless You for the new freedom. I thank You for continuing Your work. Lord, I ask that tongues would not be placed above You or alongside of You, but that we would indeed speak mysteries unto You, that we would be edified, that we might be strong enough to build up the whole body. For, Lord, as we’re edified individually, we’re able to edify the whole. I thank You, Jesus, that You are Lord, that You are gracious, that You do love each one of us. And I ask for those here who have really wanted to pray in tongues and did not seem to have the release tonight, that You would speak to their hearts tenderly and let them know who they are in You. And speak to them a way of receiving what You have given them without fear and without doubt and without any kind of bondage to past teaching. I ask, Jesus, that You would set us all free tonight. Thank You, Lord, that Your baptism is so big and so much every day that we need to know more and more and to receive more and more. Thank You that You increase our capacity for more. And, Lord, we would ask You to stretch us tonight, to let us be more spacious, that we might give You more room in our lives.

Lord, I pray that as some of us have spoken in tongues tonight, that we would speak with the same edification in English, that we would not have both bitter and sweet water coming out of our lips, saying that we speak in tongues or that we prophesy in English, and then speaking harshly or inconsiderately one to another. Father, but give us consistency, Lord, that we might truly give our lips and our tongues to You. Bless You, Jesus, for Your abundance. I ask that You would reveal every gift that You have for us this week, that we might begin to use it for the sake of Your whole wide, beautiful world that You love so much. Let us reach out with what You have freely given us. Amen.