Praying Under the Dryer

Praying Under the Dryer

by June Crawford

Transcribed from the original recording; may contain errors.

This morning I want to talk to you about something that is near and dear to each one of us, and that’s the salvation of our loved ones. For some of us, that is no problem. We feel that all of our loved ones are safely within the arms of Jesus Christ and are headed in the same direction that we are. But for others of us, including myself, we have unsaved loved ones, and it tears at our hearts. We realize how vital it is to accept the salvation of Almighty God through the death and the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. We know and feel a terrible pain within us, and intensity to want them to be in the same fold that we are. It’s very strange, but few of us can reach the people that we love the most. We can minister to strangers, to casual acquaintances, to big people, important people, and the least of people. And yet it seems that if it’s a family member, it’s almost impossible for us to reach them.

I want to talk about some of the reasons that this is true and what we can be doing about it. I will be speaking from my own experience again today, in that I do have unsaved loved ones, and I yearn for them to come to a saving realization of Jesus Christ. You heard me speak about my sister the other day. Pat was not what I thought a real Christian. And I looked for many years for ways to lead her to the Lord. I saw my mother after my daddy died. She lived with us for about 10 years and then went to live with my sister. And I asked her why, and she said, “I pray that I might be able to lead her to the Lord.” But Mother didn’t accomplish that mission. And when she died, I felt that the baton had passed to me. And it was my responsibility to pick that up and to try to help Pat to come into the fold of Jesus. When she became terminally ill with cancer, it was even more of a yearning within me. I longed to be able to say something that would make her realize how important it was. And I tried and tried to reach her. But that was not to be. In all of my studies, I told you about Gleyfree Gilliland. And she did indeed make a big impression upon me. And I learned a lot from her. One time I heard her give a talk on praying for your unsaved loved ones. And today I’m going to share with you some of the things she suggested that you do and tell you how they worked in my own life. Now at the end of this, I will be giving you all of these points again. So you’ll have a chance to write them down if you’d like to.

Gleyfree began, as I did this morning, by saying that our loved ones require a different approach than others do. What works for strangers and acquaintances does not always work with our family members. I really found this to be true. I think that’s because our family members are very vulnerable to us. I think that we know far too much about them. And they know too much about us. But with the fact that we know so much about them, their defenses are up. And they, we can’t reach them. I found that Pat even resisted my praying for her when she was in the hospital. However, praise the Lord, God, He made it possible for Jack to pray with her. And she loved it. She accepted it immediately. And I was more than willing to let Jack be the one that prayed for her. And I praised God that He was there to do that. Your situation may be totally different than mine. In each case, we should allow the Holy Spirit to tell us when it is time to pray and when it is not. Truly pray that He will lead you and guide you and give you the right time to say just the right words. Several months ago, Jack and I were in Detroit. And we visited his only remaining relative, which is his brother. And he and his wife and Jack and I had very good times together. And I remember that the first time that we ate together, I bowed my head before we ate and Jack looked at me and went like that. And I thought, well, I’ll pray to myself because I don’t want to be like the pigs and eat without praying first. But he was very wise because he waited until his birthday. And we had gone out to dinner.

And Jack said, “Before we eat, I would like to pray.” And they were totally acceptable to that prayer. So he had waited until the time was exactly right. I’ll share some more about them a little later. I learned that it was really necessary for me to change myself. I had to look at my sister and ask not just what I wanted changed about her, but look at myself and be able to see what in me needs to be changed, not what in her. By changing just little things, Pat began to change. I used to go to her to have my hair set. Pat was a beauty operator. And I would take my Bible along with me when I went to the beauty shop so that I might study my Sunday school lesson. And I noticed that it really did irritate her. And when I began to see that it was getting to be quite a thing with Pat, I asked the Lord to show me what I should do. He told me not to take my Bible into that beauty shop. Instead, to go in there and as I sat under the dryer to use that time to pray for her and to pray for everyone in that shop and that I would change the atmosphere within that room. And it happened. In doing just that little thing, I saw the chip on my sister’s shoulder begin to crumble. So I urge you, if you have an unsaved loved one, find the things in yourself that can be changed and then ask God to help you change them.

The next step is to ask God to show you the deep needs of that unsaved loved one. There are many people in this world who do not know God, nor do they want to, but everybody has some kind of a need. And it’s up to you to find out what it is and to pray for that need to be met in their lives. Now I don’t mean that you should go to them and tell them, “I notice you’re lonely, and I’m really praying for you.” I mean to look, and if you see that they are lonely, then begin by doing things to help fill their loneliness. Ask them out to dinner. Find ways that you can spend time with them. Find other people, maybe old friends, that you need to contact for them and tell them that your loved one is experiencing a lot of lonely periods. Look for the ways to meet that deep need within them. We need to take it to the Lord in prayer. Be fervent in your prayer and sit back and watch the Lord do something about it. I remember that in my sister’s case, there was a lady in our Sunday school class who had been recently widowed. And I told you my brother-in-law had died with that brain tumor. So Pat was also a widow. And as Rose began to put her life back together and to make progress in getting over her grief, I was able to tell my sister the things that Rose was doing. And she listened because Rose had the same problem that Pat had. And I could have given her all kinds of advice, but I didn’t have that problem. So from me, it wouldn’t have gone well. This is why one alcoholic can minister to another and one person in grief can minister to another in grief. Someone who is fearful can minister to another one who has fears. The Lord uses us and gives us those experiences, I’m sure, so that we might minister to one another. Now, if they need peace, and you’re a worrier, then don’t try to give them peace. Instead, you pray that God will take away that worry within you and help you get over it. In the book of Philippians are two—another two, I say this all the time—of my favorite Bible verses. The book is filled with them. But anyhow, it’s Philippians 4:6 and 7. And I have learned these from the Living Bible because it’s such a beautiful expression of them. It says, “Don’t worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this. If you do this, you shall experience God’s peace, which is far greater than the human mind can understand. He will keep your hearts and your minds at rest and at peace as you trust in Christ Jesus.” That’s my prescription for each of you who is a worrier. And I guarantee that you will find it works. Again, back to my brother and sister-in-law. We knew when we were in Detroit that our Jack’s brother had experienced lots of circulatory problems. He was unable to walk for even half a block. And he told us that the doctor had told him that he had a blockage here in his neck and that they were going to take him into the hospital and do some surgery. We talked to them on the telephone two or three times before that happened. And we found that they were very frightened. They had no one to hang on to. They were terribly frightened, particularly his wife. And when it came time and the operation was scheduled, Virginia was almost panic-stricken. And she didn’t want to show that in front of Jim because he was afraid also. So Jack and I sat down and I said, “I just think that the Lord is leading me to write her a letter and to quote these two verses of Scripture to her and tell her how they’ve worked in my own life. But I am afraid that it’ll be the wrong thing to say.” Have you ever noticed that if you just very easily quote Scripture to somebody that really turns them off, and it isn’t always kind, we need to be sensitive to what they’re telling us and not just give them an instant prescription. At any rate, I really felt this would give her comfort and ease. So I prayed about it, and finally I had peace within myself.

And I took a piece of stationery and I wrote those two verses out because I didn’t know if she had a Bible or if she did or she would even look them up. So I wrote them out to her, and then I began my letter by saying, “I know how very difficult this must sound to you, to say, ‘Don’t worry about anything.’ And I can imagine what you’re saying to yourself right now is, ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s totally impossible. How could I not worry?’ But, Virginia, this is what I used when Jack had his surgery. And I do know what I’m talking about. If you need to say this to yourself or read these words over and over and over, the Lord will work through this and work a peace within your heart. I urge you to try it. I want you to know that Jack and I will be praying for you and for Jim every moment. And I believe that he will come out of that hospital totally well.” And he did come out of the hospital. Several weeks later, I wrote—I had a letter from Virginia telling me, “You don’t know what your letter meant to me.” And I said, “Thank You, Holy Spirit, that I was obedient enough to sit before You and to write that letter, even in spite of a little worry within myself. And I thank You that You’re the one that carried that letter and You did Your work in their lives.”

God is good without us, isn’t He? But you need to allow God to guide you to people that have such a need that you’ve recognized in your family member, and they’ve had that need fulfilled. And pray for a way to share that with your loved one. We need to wait for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. We cannot run ahead of the Lord. And I urge you to be very, very sensitive. When we get Jesus, we are so excited and so filled and so joyful that we want everybody to have Him. And especially those in our own home and those we love the most. So we begin to leave religious tracts laying around. We play all our Christian music. And we tell them everything that was contained in the sermon on Sunday. And you know what happens. It sure turns them off. And you lose the ability to give them any kind of help at all. So don’t build walls that are high, that you are going to have a hard time breaking down, and that will make it that much more difficult for the Lord to work through that resistance. The Lord knows what He is doing. And He has proven this to us over and over and over. And we need to ask Him to share with us His perfect timing.

JT talked to me about how he loves that song, “In His Time.” And I do too. It really ministers to me. And it really helps me when I’m in a situation like this to remember it’s in God’s time, June, not yours. You and I have all seen people who come to church after being gone for a long time. And we’ve seen very faithful members go up to them and say, “I haven’t seen you for years. Where have you been? I wonder if the ceiling can stand the strain. My, the roof might fall in this morning.” Well, you know what happens. It’ll be years before you see them again. Learn to be sensitive to the feelings of others.

Another thing that Gleyfree told us, which was big news for me, is that it doesn’t have to be something spiritual for God to use it. As we grow in the Lord, we’re just sure that we need to witness to these family members. But often, we find that they’re not as excited as we are about Jesus. They don’t really care where we are in our Christian life. The Bible tells us that people who aren’t Christians don’t understand the things of the Lord. In the book of Ephesians, it tells us, “They are darkened in their understanding due to their hardness of heart.” They’ve turned their back on the Lord for so long, they really don’t understand what it is that we’re talking about. Begin by trying to do something special for them. Look for little things. In my case with my sister, I knew that she had been working all day, and often she worked through her lunch hour. And I went to her shop right after I got off work. So I would stop on the way home, or the way to her beauty shop, and pick something up for Pat to eat. And I tried to look for places to find good things, and new things, and unusual things. And she saw that I was concerned about her, and that I really cared that she hadn’t had anything to eat.

And she began to look forward to that surprise on Thursday night. Those are the kind of little things that you can look to do for your loved ones. Those are the things that will make them see Jesus in you, not necessarily the words that are coming out of your work. The next step is to right any wrongs. And this is very difficult. We are told in the book of Matthew that if someone has something against you, you should go to them and right the wrong. I really wrestled with that. I thought my Bible had a misprint. That surely it didn’t mean if they had something against me, I should be the one to go and correct it. But that’s what it says. I looked it up in many Bibles, and that’s truly what it says. It’s necessary then, if we’re going to do that, to ask the Lord to show us the situation from their point of view. And that’s very difficult, because lots of times we’ve got our defenses up. So it takes a long time sometimes to realize how they look at it, not how we look at it. Then with all humility, go to them and pray to the Lord for strength to be able to say, “I’m sorry things aren’t right between us.

“Forgive me for what I’ve done that has irritated you.” And for heaven’s sakes, don’t bring up what they’ve done. Bring up what you’ve done. And even if you don’t feel you’re in the wrong, ask the Lord to give you their view of that situation. Making amends is a very difficult thing to do. Many times when we’ve said something that is wrong, and you go to a person and ask for forgiveness, they’re very quick to tell you, “Oh, that’s okay, it’s all right.” But I’ll bet they will never say to you, “I don’t remember.” Because they always do. So be quick to act. We need to ask God for a special love for that person. In my case, when I prayed this, I didn’t realize what a chip I had on my own shoulder until the Lord showed me. Because I had been concentrating on the fact that Pat was not saved. And I overlooked all the good points in her character. This is particularly necessary when the person we’re praying for is living a totally different life than we are. It’s very difficult to do. Pat was doing lots of things that grieved me. And I knew that it grieved the Lord also. But I had looked at those just as I had at the faults of my husband and the problems in our life so much that I had let myself forget all that was good about Pat.

And as I looked at those things, I saw that God began to give me a great love for my sister. My love for her was deeper than it had been in years. We need to ask God to bring His people across their path. It’s not going to be us. And we should accept it. So ask Him to bring His workmen across their path, one of their peers, someone that they will truly respect and follow. My sister was a great follower. And I prayed that prayer for her every day that she was alive. I had to accept the fact that it was probably not going to be me that led Pat to Jesus. Little did I know that it would be my very own husband, and how I praised the Lord when I saw that happen. But pray for those Christian workers and pray that our loved ones will be responsive to what they say. The next step is to allow God to guide your prayers in specific steps. Don’t pray just the same thing over and over and over again. And this is very difficult, particularly when we have been praying for a number of years. Change your prayers. Look for things that you might say. For instance, ask God to help them to realize that He loves them.

Ask Him to show them the wonderful things that He has done for them. Pray that they’ll realize how empty their life is or that God will remind them of how He’s guided and led them and how He’s waiting for them. Most of all, allow the Holy Spirit to guide your prayers. This needs time and you must sit before Him and give Him that opportunity. Ask Him what it is that you should be praying.

We need to be consistent in our prayers. We shouldn’t pray one day and then not do it for a week. We need to do it every single day. The Lord will really increase our love for that individual as we pray for their salvation every single day. And what happens is that they will constantly be in our minds and the Lord will again and again bring them to us in our time of prayer, and He will remind us of the need to pray for them. We need to realize that we are Christ’s prayer partner for that person. The Bible tells us that Christ is praying for each one of us all of the time. Isn’t that a wonderful thing to think about? We know that the Lord wants those people saved far more than we do. And yet, if you’re like me, I berated God as though He never ever would have thought that it was necessary for my sister to be saved. God gave up His only Son so that each of us might be saved. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son,” what?

“That whosoever believeth in Him might have everlasting life.” Hallelujah. We can feel free to ask God to bring that person to our minds and to help us to pray, and He’ll be our prayer partner. We need to believe that God will do what He says He will do. If we don’t really believe that, then stop praying for the salvation of your loved ones and pray instead that God will increase your faith that He will do what He says. Ask Him again to strengthen your faith muscles. I remind you again to remember the long distance runner. He doesn’t begin with a run of ten miles. He goes little by little in training. We are indeed athletes of the Spirit. It is not wrong to have a lack of faith. It is wrong to confess that lack and to ask God to help you overcome it and believe that He’ll do that. We can trust Him to do what He says He will do. Sometimes we need simply to pray, “God, I need Your help. I need to believe that You are working in this situation. I have prayed for it over and over and over again, and I’m beginning to doubt. I can’t see any evidence of Your work in their life. Show me a sign, O Lord.

“Give me a good feeling within myself. Help me to realize that You do care about them and You are working.” We need to ask God to teach us that He loves our loved ones more than we do. This is so important if we’re going to put them in His hands. You remember I told you that I went to my knees in grief and yet I was able to say, “Here he is, Lord, he’s yours.” You heard Brother Homer last night when he prayed about his daughter and how hard it was for he and Evelyn to be able to say, “We give her to You.” But this is what you need to do. You need to work on yourself until you’re able to believe in the love of God that it’s so great and He wants the best for them. You need to pray that He really burns that into your memory and that you believe that He will do it. Tell Him, “Here’s my problem, Lord, now go to it.” And your prayer can be just that short, and He will honor it.

We need to quit saying bad things about them. Often I found myself when I would tell other people to pray for my sister, reciting a long string of Pat’s sins and telling them everything that she was doing that was bad and how badly she needed enlightenment. That didn’t help my sister and it really didn’t help me. I finally came to know that the Lord would just have to deal with all that bad stuff that I had said about Pat and I was reinforcing all of that evil every time that I related it and that when she finally did come to the Lord she’d have all that bad reputation to live through before she could live a happy life in Jesus Christ. So remember that if you need to ask someone to pray for your loved one, then simply saying that there is a need is enough to get good Christian friends praying for you. Don’t go over their laundry list. This is a lot different than taking our own inventory and confessing our own sins. Don’t do their confession. We need again to look for what is good for them because that’s the part where the Lord is going to begin to work. That’s where He’s going to build their character and bring them back into His fold.

We need to discipline our thoughts about them. This is especially true when we are praying for them. This is very hard to do when it’s our own children. We are aware of what we want the Lord to do for them. We are aware of what they do not do right. So it’s difficult to have good things in our mind about them when we begin to pray. In the book of Philippians chapter 4 again, the verse after the ones I quoted to is verse 8. It says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” I urge you to read that this way. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true about your loved one, whatever is noble, whatever is right about whoever it is you’re praying for,” put their name in there. Put their name in that, and that itself is a wonderful beginning to your prayer for them. Think of all the things that you can praise God for about them. There is a scripture that I like to read as I pray for my unsaved loved ones. It’s Ezekiel chapter 34, verses 11 through 15. And I’ve written it out from the Living Bible. I really study mostly from the New International Bible.

But I do find that many times this Living Bible is right on, and it says things just beautifully. But in the book of Ezekiel chapter 34, verses 11 to 15, it says, “For the Lord God says, I will search and find My sheep. I will be like a shepherd looking for his flock. I will find My sheep and rescue them from all the places where they have scattered in that dark and cloudy day. I will bring them back home. I Myself will be the shepherd of My sheep and cause them to lie down in peace. The Lord God says, I will seek My lost ones, those who strayed away, and bring them safely home again.” We need to trust the Lord in this regard. He wants them saved far more than we ever could. This is hard for us to believe because we are convinced that the Lord will use us to redeem them. I was just sure that I was the one that would take my sister’s hand and lead her into the eternal kingdom. Instead, He used Jack. He was the one that Pat wanted to pray for her as she neared death. I would never have had enough sense to have realized that on my own. It surely was no blow to my ego.

I stood back and praised God that He had found a way to reach my sister. He had opened a door and unlocked her heart to be receptive to Jack. And by the time she died, I felt sure that she stepped immediately into the Lord’s eternal kingdom. I pray the same thing for you. I know how it feels when loved ones are unsaved. I have other loved ones beside my sister that I do not feel really know the Lord. I hope that some of the things that I have said this morning will be helpful to you. I hope that they will make a total difference in the way that you are praying for that one that you want into the family of God. If there is anyone here who has not yet accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, I urge you right now to bow your head and ask Jesus to come into your heart, to tell Him you know you are a sinner. You ask Him to forgive you of your sins, and be sure, as I told you in 1 John 1:9, it says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” I urge you to pray that sinner’s prayer, and then to accept the fact that through the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, through His shed blood on the cross, that you are indeed a redeemed, brought back sheep, and the angels will rejoice in heaven that you who were lost have been brought back.

Let’s quickly move through the steps that I have discussed with you in praying for our unsaved loved ones. Number one, our loved ones require a different approach than others do. Our loved ones require a different approach. Begin by seeking to discover what in me needs to be different. That’s number two. Begin by seeking to discover what in me needs to be different. Number three, ask God to show your loved one’s deep needs. Ask God to show your loved one’s deep needs.

Number four, wait for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Don’t run ahead of God. Wait for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Don’t run ahead of God. Number five, don’t think it has to be spiritual for God to use it. Don’t think it has to be spiritual for God to use it. Number six, right any wrongs.

Right any wrongs. Number seven, ask God for a special love for that person. Ask God for a special love for that person. Number eight, ask God to bring His people across their path. Ask God to bring His people across their path. Number nine, allow God to guide your prayers in specific steps.

Allow God to guide your prayers in specific steps. Number ten, pray consistently. Pray consistently. Number eleven, be Christ’s prayer partner for that person. Be Christ’s prayer partner for that person. Number twelve, believe that God is working. Believe that God is working. Number thirteen, ask God to teach me that He loves that person more than I do.

Ask God to teach me that He loves that person more than I do. Number fourteen, don’t say bad things about them to others. Don’t say bad things about them to others. Number fifteen, realize the good things about them. Realize the good things about them. And that’s where I gave you the scripture that was Philippians four, verse eight. Number sixteen, discipline your thoughts about them when are not praying. Discipline your thoughts about them when are not praying.

Number seventeen, for your comfort, as you pray, read Ezekiel thirty-four, verses eleven to fifteen. Let’s pray together.